Altered awareness …

Altered Awareness

First of all, how can altering our awareness be useful to us – how can that help us achieve greater Peace of Mind and help us cope with the circumstances we find in our lives?  The best advice is to adopt a ‘suck it and see’ approach.  Each person must and will choose their own path for themselves. The information given in this volume is based on the collective experience of a group of similarly minded people, who have gained great benefits from these ideas and techniques over many collective years of living and therapeutic practise.  I offer it with the assurance that it has worked well for me.

Making use of techniques of altered awareness has two distinct benefits.  In the first place it enables deep relaxation of both body and mind, and relaxation at this level is a powerful antidote to the stress of daily living.  When the body is able to cope with stress, it does not need to display the host of symptoms we have given the collective term ‘dis-ease.’

The second profound benefit of altered awareness work is that it allows access to deeper parts of ourselves, and because it partially by-passes the ‘critical factor’ in our personality – the computer operator/programmer that we referred to in Part I, it becomes possible, by the use of affirmations or positive statements about ourselves, to influence many of the attitudes and beliefs we so often hold.  This is a very pragmatic and useful way of influencing our general well being.

When our belief about ourselves changes, our behaviour changes, and the new behaviour reinforces our ‘new’ belief, which accelerates positive change in an upward spiral way, just as the original negative beliefs were reinforced in a downward spiral.  In many cases these negative beliefs were established while we were young – before the ‘critical factor’ part of our personality was fully developed.  Indeed, a large part of this ‘critical factor’ owes its existence to the very negative attitudes that cause us discomfort in our daily living.

So what exactly do we mean by ‘altered awareness?  A good way to gain some perspective on what has different names (all of them emotive!) is to consider it in an historical context.  The study and practise of altered awareness is one of the most ancient of human practises.  Traditionally it has been associated with religions or cultural belief systems.  In societies that we sometimes call primitive, ‘special’ members of communities were either taught during the course of a usually lengthy apprenticeship to achieve a state of altered awareness from which would emerge benefits for the community at large.  Sometimes this process was assisted by consuming mind altering plants or plant extracts, and sometimes it was a process in which the whole community participated.  The ability to enter an altered state, or even to appear to enter an altered state conferred great power, and in many cases this resulted in ‘power over’ the masses, with ‘information’ being received from the current divinity while in this state.  In some cultures there was a greater devolution of this power, and individuals were able to work towards achieving this altered state ability.  In many North American Indian cultures, for example, it was the norm for each member of the community to seek out their own truth on a ‘vision quest’, sometimes assisted by mind altering substances.  This vision quest almost always included many of the aspects of self development covered in this volume – exploration of the self, both the self from the past and the self in the present.

In the East, the tradition turned more to the establishment of groups of students or disciples who studied under a Master or teacher – quite literally someone who had mastered all states of being.  In the West we initially adopted this approach as well by following the teachings of one or other Master teacher.

As pure science gained in power and popularity, so we began to move away from belief in the usefulness, or even the existence of an altered state of mind.  Studies that were conducted were basically flawed from the start, because it is impossible to experience a mind state in the physical sense, and the debate began, attempting to locate the mind in the physical brain.  Ancient practises of meditation were discredited as belonging to heathen religions and research such as there was into the scientific basis for altered awareness hung on the fringes or respectability …

There are many things that will help you in Sue’s book “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living”.  Download chapter 1 free now!

There are helpful free downloads at: sue@suewashington.com

For people with unsuitable relationships – male or female

Whether you are a man or a woman, do you go for unsuitable relationships?

I make clients laugh when I tell them I interviewed my husband for the position (as husband).  It’s true!  I did!!

unsuitable 1

Having had unsuccessful liaisons over many years and put myself in unsuitable situations I never would’ve been able to make right no matter what, two or three people had mentioned a certain book title to me.  Before I give you the title, let me underline that of course the author wanted to sell her books – of course she did!  She gave it a sexist title to appeal to women.  It IS sexist because the model works both ways round – it is as applicable to men as to women: men do this too!  I have had as clients and met socially many abused men. One was a well-known and world-leading doctor.  Intellect seems no safeguard to blind love!

unsuitable 2

Anyway.  I got to page 10 where the authoress had written 15 points that people who do this did.  Oh my giddy aunt.  I had got or had them all.  They are printed below – so see how many apply to you!  I have left the title to small print at the end so that maybe you’ll do this in a ‘clean’ fashion …  See how many you get out of 15 … If the number is high, over 10, I suggest you buy her book!!

 

  1. Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home in which your emotional needs were not met.
  2. Having received little real nurturing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a care-giver, especially to men who appear, in some way, needy.
  3. Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm, loving caretaker(s) you longed for, you respond deeply to the familiar type of emotionally unavailable man whom you can again try to change, through your love.
  4. Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving.
  5. Almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time, or is too expensive if it will “help” the man you are involved with.
  6. Accustomed to lack of love in personal relationships, you are willing to wait, hope, and try harder to please.
  7. You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the responsibility, guilt, and blame in any relationship.
  8. Your self-esteem is critically low, and deep inside you do not believe you deserve to be happy.  Rather, you believe you must earn the right to enjoy life.
  9. You have a desperate need to control your men and your relationships, having experienced little security in childhood.  You mask your efforts to control people and situations as “being helpful”.
  10. In a relationship, you are much more in touch with your dream of how it could be than with the reality of your situation.
  11. You are addicted to men and to emotional pain.
  12. You may be predisposed emotionally and often biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, and / or certain foods, particularly sugary ones.
  13. By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing, or by being enmeshed in situations that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you avoid focusing on your responsibility to yourself.
  14. You may have a tendency toward episodes of depression, which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by an unstable relationship.
  15. You are not attracted to men who are kind, stable, reliable, and interested in you.  You find such “nice” men boring.

Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood the Amazon link …

There are many things that will help you in Sue’s book “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living”.  Download chapter 1 free now!

There are helpful free downloads at: sue@suewashington.com

See also www.cringedump.com

 

Development for yourself by study and change

You may well have got a system inside yourself of checks and balances in terms of  how you moderate your own behaviour. This post flags up continual development by study & change.

time for devlopment and change

Let us always remember that in human affairs there is no possibility of success without continual development, and that not to walk is to fall.

Frederic Ozanam 1813 – 1853

The Oxford dictionary defines ‘change’ as “An act or process through which something becomes different”

development-turn-a-frog-into-a-prince

You can develop yourself constantly by study and change … There are SO MANY tips, strategies and learnings in the Peace of Mind programme that will assist you.  Download chapter 1 of “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living” free by leaving your email address and downloading now.

Do you have deep emotional scars? (ii)

More about How To Heal Deep Emotional Scars

from work by , additional material by Sue Washington

With regard to scars, do you recall every event in your past that you know had nothing to do with you? How many events have you gone through, for example bad weather on your holiday, that you do not have a long term emotional inhibition or bitterness about? That was a terrible event, but you do not hang on to it like you do for things your parents did.

The difference is that you do not feel the bad weather was specifically created and intended to attack you personally, but you do feel that about your parents actions.

When you will give enough thought and acceptance to the reality that your parents were just responding to the events in their life, and most importantly that you are really totally irrelevant to those events or their actions, then your pain will end.  They have scars too.

You must release the need to feel important, the centre of the universe and cause of all actions and events, which is ridiculous if you consider the events in your life right now and how they make you act and treat other people.

The key is to accept that you simply are not all that important. This is the work of mastering your ego, and in a word, humility.

Life is just a chain of events. You behave the way you do in your relationships, work, emotional inhibitions, emotional outbursts, reactions and fears due to the events that happened to you as a child. Some of these events were the actions of your parents who were reacting to the events in their life. They reacted as they did due to the events in their parents life that moulded them, and this goes back generations.

The chain of emotional suffering must be broken, and it is your personal responsibility to break that chain for yourself and your children and people you interact with.

Nothing in this world that happens has anything to do with you. You personally are not even a speck of dust in the universe.

The more you build up the concept of individual personal importance, which is exactly what the new age movement and society in general is working towards, the more important you try to feel which means the stronger you build up the lower ego. The stronger that ego becomes, the more you feel that the negative events in your life were all meant to hurt you. The more you feel that, the harder it becomes to release the pains that you endure today which are based in the past.

If you want to become emotionally free, then come to the objective reality which is that you are simply not that important and that things happen which have nothing to do with you. When you see life this way, you can have compassion for everyone, even those who do bad things, or at least almost everyone because there are always exceptions to every concept.

However, as long as someone has not committed such evil acts, and you consider the events in their life, and you accept the difficulties of being human in this world and how hard it is for anyone other than Superman to just let it all blow by, all the pains you endured, the beatings and abuse, turn into events that inspire love and compassion in your heart rather than resentment and all sorts of pain.

See more at http://www.peaceofmindwithsue.com/heal-deep-emotional-scars 

Do you have deep emotional scars?

How To Heal Deep Emotional Scars

Many people suffer from the past of what their parents did to them, the negative events of their childhood etc. The purpose of this article is to present the reason why it is hard to release the past & end the perpetual limitations and suffering.

The first step is to see where the problem really lies. The pain is always related to the thought that these things happened to ME!  Because of this view, we cannot let go of the past and these memories trigger painful feelings.

I have found that the problem is not really related to the events we attribute it to, but rather it is the need of recognition: acknowledgement.  There is much about this in the free download of Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living.  Download part 1 free NOW!

Everyone needs to be recognised, to be acknowledged of course. This is common to all humans of any age starting from the ‘terrible two’s’.   Acknowledgement was, fundamentally, what my granddaughter wanted in http://www.peaceofmindwithsue.com/do-people-tell-you-what-to-do in the blog a few entries ago.  This need brings with it the perception that you are the centre of the universe and all things you are involved in somehow have a special reason to happen just for you.

You may believe that your parents treated you the way they did because of what you did, or your parents divorced because of you, or the meteor fell to earth and crushed your new car all because God hates you and He has very good aim.

The problem of course, and why we cannot let go of these painful feelings, is that it is not really about you, it really has nothing to do with you personally. With the ego centred view, we look in the wrong place for the problem and thus keep missing the target of healing.

When we stop thinking that we are the centre of the universe and realise that nothing that happened to us actually has anything at all to do with us personally, we can be free.

This is relinquishing the ego. We must see the world for what it is, a series of random events that each person or thing is responding to, and these reactions will effect anything in the near vicinity…

A tree will fall in a strong wind. The tree did not decide to fall on your car. The tree was responding to the strong wind which blew it down, and it just happened that your car was parked beside the tree on the downwind side. The tree was blown over in that direction and your car was parked in the spot that the tree fell when it responded to the wind. It had nothing to do with you or your car.

tree fall os car

Likewise, a child goes through tremendous emotional distortions due to the actions of their parents who are just responding to the demands and trials of life that adults face. All people, especially  parents, sometimes snap or do things out of the stress, which then effects the children since they happen to be in the same house and family.

People respond to current situations due to the events of their past. The past events continue to effect people through their whole life because they feel the events were meant for them, directed at them. If we see the events that touched us as random in this way, we no longer have the ego centred view. Rather, with this objective view, the event loses all long term emotional impact.

Do you spend your life reacting to other people (reactive)?

We often spend much of our lives reacting to how other people are.  This can be crystallised down to the argument between being PROACTIVE versus REACTIVE.  We can spend our time waiting around (reactive) when really we wanted to go off and do our own thing (proactive) I want to encourage you to be proactive and stop reacting to others!

The writer below shows us beautifully a way of looking at our lives and gives us one of the earliest Cognitive Therapy lessons into the bargain!  See what you make of him.  He really underlines the difference between being proactive and reactive …

If a man is crossing a river

And an empty boat collides with his own skiff

Even though he be a bad tempered man

He will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat,

He will shout at him to steer clear.

If his shout is not heard, he will shout again.

And yet again, and begin cursing.

And all because there is someone in the boat.

Yet if the boat were empty,

He would not be shouting and angry.

If you can empty your own boat

Crossing the river of the world,

No one will oppose you,

No one will seek to harm you.Man in boat

The writer is the Taoist sage Chuang-Tzu is a Chinese writer from the 4th Century BCE (Before the Christian Era).   I hope that it underlines for you the constant debate – do we do what WE want (be proactive) or go around reacting to other people (reactive).

There are many other lessons from life in “Peace of Mind – Pathways to successful Living” writing and CD programme.  Download chapter 1 free NOW!

Do you think too much?

Do you think too much? I was reading something the other day by a man called David Samuel.  He said that said “Life really is quite simple if you don’t overcomplicate it with analysing”.  David’s Website  Do you overthink?  It is easy to fall into doing this!

The great founder of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the late Dr Albert Ellis also says it is not the ‘thing’ that happens to us that hurts us, but our attitudes TO that thing – be it a random happening (someone rude to us) or even physical pain. Pain can be very sharp, or if we are preoccupied and relaxed can be felt less … This is our moment of choice and all of us have it. Dr. Albert Ellis maintains that we cause our own discomfort by the way we process things in our own minds. He says that we “construct” the world by the sentences that we repeat to ourselves in our minds. The logical follow on from this is that if we do cause the problem, we too can alter it. WHAT exactly, were you saying to yourself just BEFORE you felt bad last time, or should I say, just before you made yourself feel bad?

  1. Start to think of the words you use inside your head.  This will be a set of sentences packed fairly tightly together.  When you have isolated your sentences, start to write them out.
  2. Some of the sentences will be reasonable and logical enough. Others, though, will be emotion-laden e.g.-

“I can’t stand this”

“This is awful”

“It makes me feel terrible when I ….”

Keep the logical sentences.  Challenge yourself with your use of the other ones.  You need to convince yourself of the illogical nature of what you are saying, and keep gently challenging yourself. We say, “I can’t stand it “, when this is a nonsensical phrase.  The “it” in, “I can’t stand it” implies that “it” has landed upon us from another planet or somewhere, and does not acknowledge the fact that we have personal control over our feelings.  Of course you can stand the feeling you have given yourself.  In reality you’ve probably done so many times before without the situation finishing you off.  Having said this, acknowledging your feeling of discomfort is perfectly acceptable and in itself brings a sense of relief. If the bad feeling you have given yourself appears to have come from someone else’s action or what they have said to you, think for a minute.  What did the other person intend?  Did they intend to hurt you very much?  I would put it to you that it is YOUR perception of what YOU think that THEY think about you that is causing the discomfort.  Remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones will break your bones but words can never hurt you”.

I remember an old friend Jane, who’s sea-loving husband had built a boat.  He invited her t0 sail to France with her and 8 pals … (big boat!). She accepted but as night fell she was most upset as 9 men snored (all at different rates) very loudly.  She went up on deck and sat quietly thinking what to do.  The only thing she could think to do was to tell herself   that the snoring was comforting and after 20 minutes or so went back below decks – AND SLEPT!  She would back up Albert Ellis’ theory absolutely!

There are meditations, and ways of changing perception in “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living”.  Download Chapter 1 free now!

Do you resent being told you what to do?

Do people tell you what to do?  Give you orders?  Do you resent being told you what to do? It seems that no-one likes to be told what to do by someone else.  When does it start?  Do you remember a time when it was OK to be told?

I was talking to Emma this morning.  She is nearly 3 (going on 13).  She was telling me that she had been in the pool and had “swimmed”.

I said, in as kindly a way as I could “You might consider saying ‘swam’ “.

She said “I swammed”

I said “When Nannie says something like that it is to try to help you, darling.  Is it helpful or is it a bit annoying?”

“Noying” she said.

No wonder youngsters kick off whilst we attempt to interfere … I resolved to try not to do it next time!  Talk about ‘out of the mouths of babes!’  They really do know what they want!

Are you resentful when being told what to do?  Do you get angry about it?   There are many tips about living in the “Peace of Mind – Pathways to successful Living” book, chapter 1 being downloadable free on the home page. Exercise 1 in Chapter 1 is how we felt when we were challenged, in fact!

Brilliant stuff about raising young ones is in “The Mnemodynamic Practitioner Manual – An Aid to Every Therapist” appendices, re-printed with kind permission from Jacqui Pearson and the late Ivan Sokolov of ‘The Parent Network’ and is available from: sue@suewashington.com

Winnie-the Pooh’s Christopher Robin gets resentment of Dad!

Parenthood is a no-win situation.  A single mum with teenagers said to me the other day “it (bringing up children) is about damage limitation” … That’s about right!  I suspect that since there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, only one that does his or her best.  It will always be so! It’s probable that we all have mental pictures of the idyllic childhood of Christopher Robin Milne as written about by his father A A Milne in “The House at Pooh Corner” and other books before being animated by Walt Disney.  It was only recently I read of Christopher Robin’s feeling that his childhood had been exploited, and was showing resentment of his parents who he felt had taken over his young years.  After growing up, there was a long period (ten years) of estrangement between Christopher Robin and his parents before they attended his wedding to his cousin. To the rest of us, things had been ideal in the Milne lives – enviable – but look what was just under the surface as far as Christopher Robin was concerned! It must be the human pattern that we resent or are angry at parents.  It IS POSSIBLE to fix and heal the scars. See if you can find a Mnemodynamic psychotherapist.  (Call me on 01772 617663 if you want your nearest one).

Definition: Mnemodynamic therapy is a set (model) of existing techniques further refined to help the client remove and come to terms with their life issues both past and present.  It integrates the best of CBT and NLP with Freudian analysis adding the benefit of the speed of hypnotherapy.  A state of great improvement with equilibrium is usually reached in 6 sessions.

The model was designed to help people deal with simple or complex and traumatic past events in what we consider to be the most fluent collection of methods, or model, yet put together… Look at “The Mnemodynamic Practitioner Manual – An Aid to Every Therapist” which is available from: sue@suewashington.com

Other tips on productive living are in “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living”.  Download chapter 1 free NOW!