Whether you are a man or a woman, do you go for unsuitable relationships?
I make clients laugh when I tell them I interviewed my husband for the position (as husband). It’s true! I did!!
Having had unsuccessful liaisons over many years and put myself in unsuitable situations I never would’ve been able to make right no matter what, two or three people had mentioned a certain book title to me. Before I give you the title, let me underline that of course the author wanted to sell her books – of course she did! She gave it a sexist title to appeal to women. It IS sexist because the model works both ways round – it is as applicable to men as to women: men do this too! I have had as clients and met socially many abused men. One was a well-known and world-leading doctor. Intellect seems no safeguard to blind love!
Anyway. I got to page 10 where the authoress had written 15 points that people who do this did. Oh my giddy aunt. I had got or had them all. They are printed below – so see how many apply to you! I have left the title to small print at the end so that maybe you’ll do this in a ‘clean’ fashion … See how many you get out of 15 … If the number is high, over 10, I suggest you buy her book!!
- Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home in which your emotional needs were not met.
- Having received little real nurturing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a care-giver, especially to men who appear, in some way, needy.
- Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm, loving caretaker(s) you longed for, you respond deeply to the familiar type of emotionally unavailable man whom you can again try to change, through your love.
- Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving.
- Almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time, or is too expensive if it will “help” the man you are involved with.
- Accustomed to lack of love in personal relationships, you are willing to wait, hope, and try harder to please.
- You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the responsibility, guilt, and blame in any relationship.
- Your self-esteem is critically low, and deep inside you do not believe you deserve to be happy. Rather, you believe you must earn the right to enjoy life.
- You have a desperate need to control your men and your relationships, having experienced little security in childhood. You mask your efforts to control people and situations as “being helpful”.
- In a relationship, you are much more in touch with your dream of how it could be than with the reality of your situation.
- You are addicted to men and to emotional pain.
- You may be predisposed emotionally and often biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, and / or certain foods, particularly sugary ones.
- By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing, or by being enmeshed in situations that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you avoid focusing on your responsibility to yourself.
- You may have a tendency toward episodes of depression, which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by an unstable relationship.
- You are not attracted to men who are kind, stable, reliable, and interested in you. You find such “nice” men boring.
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood the Amazon link …
There are many things that will help you in Sue’s book “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living”. Download chapter 1 free now!
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See also www.cringedump.com