Our needs are important
It is clear from what was said a few bulletins ago that if we place little value on ourselves as human beings, we will also place little value on our needs. We will tend always to place the needs and wants of others before our own. As we have already seen, many of our patterns of behaviour originate in childhood, in response to the impact we observe ourselves as having on our environment. If as children, our needs were always ignored, the result will be that we do not value ourselves in general terms, but more specifically, that we do not value our needs. Then, when we experience a need, and someone else comes along with a conflicting need, we will almost invariably step down, because after all, their need is more important.
It is very easy to justify this behaviour in our society as unselfish, or as virtuous ‘selflessness’, which is not quite the same as being able to compromise. Very few are able, or wish to live in such isolation that none of their needs will conflict with the needs of others. On the contrary, the fulfilment of many of our needs requires the presence of other human beings.
This makes the need fulfilment a tricky social issue. By applying certain ground rules it is possible to overcome all obstacles. The first thing to consider is the distinction between needs and wants. The closer we come to establishing our real needs, the less energy we waste on chasing phantoms, and the more we can focus on positive strategies. Secondly, if we recognise that our needs are as important as the needs of others, and that the converse is true as well – in other words that the needs of everyone are 100% important, we can create a climate of mutual respect and foster a sense of co-operation. Whether our pattern of behaviour places the needs of others above our own, or whether we ram-rail our needs through in an attitude of survival of the fittest, we devalue ourselves and others and our pattern pushes being in a state of Peace of Mind further and further away.
In fact, if we were to apply the ‘Why push Game’ to either of these behaviours we will come up with interesting points about the way we relate to the world, and about what our true needs are.
There are many things that will help you in Sue’s book “Peace of Mind – Pathways to Successful Living”. Download chapter 1 free now! There are helpful free downloads at: firstname.lastname@example.org See also www.cringedump.com